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Dating as a widow was scary – but one app helped me find love again

Niche dating apps are creating spaces for people to connect over shared values, lifestyles, or experiences

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Charlotte was 43 when her husband of 21 years, Jason, died of a heart attack at the age of 45 in 2019. The sudden tragedy left no time or space to even consider future relationships, when she was asked an unexpected question.
“One of my teenage daughters asked if I would ever get married again. I hadn’t considered it; Covid had arrived soon after Jason died and my life was spent just coping and parenting my two daughters.”
By the end of the pandemic, it had been over two years since Jason had died and Charlotte slowly started to feel ready to explore the idea of dating for the first time in decades.
“Initially, I was worried that I didn’t have much to offer. Jason and I had been together for 21 years, since I was 19, and I didn’t know who I was by myself anymore. I took up running and salsa classes to explore new things.
“Dating was such an alien concept,” says Charlotte. “I had never used apps and to put yourself out there when you didn’t expect to is scary.”
She began by creating an account on a paid dating app, hoping its users would be more serious about finding a relationship. “I was very nervous and apprehensive. When do you bring up that you are widowed? I didn’t put it in my profile, I usually waited until it was brought up in conversation.”
Her initial experiences were full of common issues on dating apps, such as unanswered messages and sudden ghosting after days of positive conversations.
“Being a widow made me feel more sensitive. I felt upset when I was ghosted, and conversations would just end abruptly on sites like Bumble and Facebook Dating. It made me feel insecure and ask myself what was wrong with me. It tapped into the loss I had felt when my husband died.”
Charlotte went on a few dates and ended up in a three-month relationship which eventually ended because of distance. She joined a Facebook widow support group and was interested to hear about an app specifically for those who had lost their spouses called Chapter 2. “It seemed like a good option for me, to meet someone who would understand what you’d been through. It made it easier to know we were all in the same boat but at the same time, I did worry how difficult it could potentially be, with so much grief on both sides.”
A conversation over dinner with a friend pushed her into making the leap: “It was Christmas and with the new year approaching, I decided to give it a go as a new start. What did I have to lose?”
On the Chapter 2 app, Charlotte chatted to a few men but then quickly met John*. “We sent messages back and forth, went for a coffee, a while later met for lunch and moved our conversation to Whatsapp. It felt different. I felt totally comfortable with him and there was no second guessing.”
Charlotte and John have now been together for over a year. “Although we have both lost spouses, it doesn’t define our relationship.
“We have a greater understanding of each other. I don’t feel guilty when talking about Jason at all because I know John understands his place in my life, as I do with his wife. In the three-month relationship I initially had, I barely spoke about my husband because I was so worried about making him feel uncomfortable.”
While Charlotte was successful in finding a relationship on Chapter 2, she does identify a potential issue of more niche platforms. “There were far more women on the site than men. I only wanted to date someone who was 45 minutes or less from me and there were only three or four men who lived within this distance.”
The rise of niche dating apps speaks to a cultural shift in how we approach relationships – we are driven by a desire for more meaningful, tailored connections. While platforms like Tinder and Bumble succeeded in democratising the dating process by giving users easy access to potential partners, they’ve also ushered in an age of overwhelm. With millions of profiles at our fingertips, the challenge is no longer just finding someone but finding the right someone. Niche dating apps are a response to this phenomenon, offering users a more focused, curated space where shared values, lifestyles, or experiences take precedence over the endless scrolling through faces.
There are several factors contributing to this rise. Mainstream apps often promote quantity over quality, giving users hundreds, if not thousands, of profiles to sift through. While this might sound positive, it can lead to what psychologists refer to as “decision fatigue” and burnout. There is also the changing demographic landscape of online dating. Most early dating app adopters were millennials, but now more people over 50 are joining the fray.
For older generations, platforms such as Tinder aren’t as intuitive or appealing to those who didn’t grow up in the age of instant digital gratification, preferring to have more time to engage and reflect. The impersonal and fast-paced nature of “swipe left/swipe right” apps can feel isolating to those who are used to more traditional methods of meeting people, such as introductions through friends or organically in social situations. Dating, after all, is about human connection and the transition to a predominantly digital landscape can feel unsettling. There’s also the frustration of navigating the app’s culture of casual dating, which can seem alien to those looking for something more substantial, particularly those re-entering the dating scene after divorce or bereavement.
In an age where the internet offers endless possibilities, it is no surprise that niche dating apps are flourishing. They cut to the chase, providing safe havens for those who know exactly what they’re looking for in love or, at least, a place to feel seen and understood.
“The world of dating is so focused on alcohol,” sobriety dating app Loosid member Sarah explains.“I hated having to immediately explain why I wasn’t ordering an alcoholic drink on a date. I found it was also a hard way to get to know someone, as their personality would slightly shift throughout the night. It feels refreshing to build a relationship that doesn’t revolve around always going to the next pub.”
What’s clear about niche dating apps is that they speak to a deeper yearning for connection. Mainstream apps may offer a buffet of options, but more specialist platforms reduce the noise, zeroing in on the aspects of life that truly matter to their users. They are not just about finding romance; they’re about finding someone who aligns with the life you live. And in an increasingly fragmented world, that’s a comforting thought.
Here are some of the more unusual niche dating apps that are rewriting the rules of modern romance.
Offers friendship, companionship, dating or physical comfort to those who have lost a life partner.
Helps you make authentic connections with people who don’t drink alcohol.
Feeld has often been reduced to a reputation as the app for threesomes. But there’s far more to it than that. Initially branded as 3nder (yes, it rhymes with Tinder), Feeld has evolved into an inclusive space for people exploring non-monogamous, polyamorous, or open relationships, as well as those looking for connections you just don’t know how to title.
For those of us who adore our dogs, to be in a relationship with someone who loves them as much as we do can be a dealbreaker. Dig makes it easy to avoid the horrible realisation that you’ve found yourself with a cat person.
There are key arguments that come up on repeat for couples – money, kids, the dishwasher – but none more demoralising than fighting over each other’s taste in music. Tastebud offers the chance to keep the airways harmonious.
No crystal ball needed – Align uses astrology to match users based on their zodiac signs. Your birthdays will help you find out if it’s a match made in heaven.
Whether you are a lover of facial hair or someone with a spectacular beard to be adored, Bristlr has you covered.
Looking for love with someone who understands the demands of your job? Or maybe you have a penchant for certain outfits? This app connects users with those in uniformed jobs, whether you’re a nurse, firefighter, or military personnel.
*Names have been changed
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